Whipping it out in the middle of conversation.

Mad frenzy. My wife informs me that her "Mommy Baby Group" is coming over. I'm not sure I appreciated how clean a house needs to be before such a group congregates at one's house. Now to my wife's credit, she is not as crazy as some that I've seen when faced hosting a party. Wait.. what was the point of this. Oh yes. My involvement is little tale. I can remember as a teenager how many times I saw "real" in the flesh breasts. Other guys stop shut it. I know you can too. None of us were as cool as we would like to have thought. It WAS a rare occurance, and most ALL of our stories from that time are heavily embellished! So lucky me, I just happened to be working from home on the fated day (something that I will make sure not to repeat the next go around of the Mommy Baby group) of my wife's turn for hosting.

I think I'm still trying to get over the odd effect it is to see women you've just met breastfeeding. I know I know. Its completely natural. I know.. There should be nothing strange about it. BUT! those comments are made by women! They are.. Its different for men (or at least for me). I calmly walk into the dining room to raid the spread my wife put out for the lunch portion of this gathering, and when I look up and into the living room to add a quite comment to the current conversation I find my self stopped dead in my tracks. That's not my wife's ....

What do I do.. pretend I didn't see.. ( I mean this the wife of some other man we are talking about here) just do what I was doing.. acknowledge that I did see and appologize while hastily backing out of the room? Or you could do what I did.. which was nothing!

and I mean nothing. For a full 10 seconds nothing. Shock will do that to you. Strange considering in my adult life that it really isn't such a big deal to see a naked woman. Somehow though it was different. I started to consider the number of times my wife has open breast fed our baby (something I have always fully supported) and how perhaps some other unsuspecting guy has looked and found himself also stopped in his tracks. Why, because when women do openly breast feed, the effect that it might have on the nearby men is the last thing of concern. I think for me the strangeness is due to the only partial disconnection of a women's breast as a sexual object even when breastfeeding. Believe me.. sexy? not so much, but it doesn't stop the fact that in my entire life up until my wife started breastfeeding I've only ever seen breasts in a sexual fashion. And that's WHY I (and every other guy) can remember the exact number of times that he saw real boobs in highschool!

Oh where was I.. that's right, holding a cold cut in one hand, knife with mayo on it in the other staring and some other woman's boob who is comfortably chatting away in my living room. Yes. I'm still stuck in the doing nothing portion of this. It occurs to me at somepoint that she has not looked up in my direction yet and if I get a move on I can escape and totally miss that "Were you just staring at my breast - wow that guy is kinda creepy!" entire drama!

Flash back to the movie the matrix. A new appreciation of the opening scene where Trinity has to tell her self to MOVE while staring at the broken window. MOVE!

Yeah.. that sandwich sucked. Considering how good of a spread was put out. My state of shock constructed sandwich really was pathetic. I have no doubt that one of the other women saw this entire thing and I was made fun of. I can just see that happening. That being said though I consider my fast retreat to have maintained some dignity. And I keep telling myself this as I remember the burst of laughter from the living room as I disappeared back up the stairs to my home office.

Number of times I've seen a woman's breasts: 296
Just kidding.